Ahh, Happy Hour. A magical time when you can get twice as drunk for the same amount of money. But there are so many cocktails to choose from, and only two hours to get as many in your face as you can, so what do you go for? Luckily, we’ve created an honest guide to the seventeen most popular cocktails around…
1. Long Island Iced Tea: Maximum amount of spirits for the least amount of money – but hey, it’s still a cocktail, so it’s kind of classy, right?
2. Mojito: Refreshing, tasty, and perfect for summer – but the barman will hate you for ordering it on a busy Saturday. Plus it’s about 90% water, once all the ice melts, so DRINK IT FAST.
3. Cosmopolitan: Hey, if it’s good enough for Carrie, it’s good enough for you. But you WILL be going to the bar every fifteen minutes because it contains the same volume of fluid as your contact lens pot.
4. Margarita: Unimaginative, but always a solid choice.
5. Gin Martini: Hope you don’t intend to have any sensation in your face tonight.
6. Sex on the Beach: Generally ordered by someone who thinks it’s hilarious to say the word, ‘Sex’ to a total stranger. The same goes for a Slow Comfortable Screw, Screaming Orgasm, or a Blow Job.
7. Pornstar Martini: It tastes like a Solero! Plus you get a shot of Prosecco, so it’s basically two drinks. It would be rude not to.
8. Bloody Mary: If you’re drinking this, you’re probably regretting the night before.
9. Virgin Mary: You’re driving.
10. White Russian: I’d love to meet the heathen who thought it was acceptable to put vodka and cream in the same glass. One word: curdling.
11. Cuba Libre: Don’t order this. You’ve just been stung £8.95 for what is essentially a rum and Coke.
12. Blue Lagoon: Only acceptable if ordered in a pitcher. From a Wetherspoons.
13. Strawberry Daiquiri: Fruity, frothy, and will always remind me of that vomiting scene from The 40-Year-Old-Virgin.
14. Sangria: Only really enjoyable if it’s warm, sunny, and you can pretend you’re in the Mediterranean. Otherwise, it’s just a little bit depressing.
15. Bellini: You want to celebrate, but real champagne isn’t actually that pleasant. Plus, you get fruit with it, so it’s basically a smoothie.
16. Tom Collins: Classy, understated, and not without a little hint of mouthwash.
17. Old Fashioned: Stop watching Mad Men. These are just horrible.
Written for Pretty 52
Constant Spinner 